Well I officially feel like I've been "baptised" into the wonderful world of REAL parenting. I feel like I'm not a Mommy-Light-Weight anymore, but a mom with real world experience.....
It all started earlier this week.... There are a few things I should remind you of before I begin our "tale".
1) Baby Z (toddler really) has been sick and horribly snotty so also not sleeping well
2) He has a habit of pooping just after you lay him down for his afternoon nap - so you often have to go in and change his diaper again before he will go off to sleep
3) He says many words with a french accent ?Why? don't know. - like "crack-ier' " for cracker or " pa-pier' " for paper or " bia-pier' " for diaper (Yes, with a B sound in front).
4) His mommy is a germ-a-phobe and OCD about many things but loves him dearly.
OK - so now that those facts have all been established let's take a glance inside Z's prince-dom this week....
Once upon a time, there was a little prince who was napping. Because the little prince had recently been sick - he was still a little grumpy waking from the napping. So his mommy allowed him a little extra time to wake up on his own - before snatching him out. On the hopes he wouldn't be soo glum or such a pout.
So after what must have seemed like a hundred years to the prince - his mommy came and got him. He had been happily entertaining himself by removing his sweatpants, snap-front onesie, and diaper complete! The diaper was dirty, but most stayed inside. Only a little "dirt" remained on his behind. The prince was scoured clean, sheets, crib and now the tub too! A warning was issued - oh be not dismayed - the little prince was told he had better behave!!!
This same evening the little prince learned - how to breathe easier. He blew like a whale - and out came the green - out of his nose - with no tissue in sight! The blowing was encouraged, but wait for a tissue, don't sit there snorting this stuff out without one.
How many more gross things could this little prince learn? All in one day? Oh My what a turn.
A few more days passed and the little prince learned - wait until that sense of urgency has burned from the memory of your mother soo dear, to try another stunt that will strike in her more fear...
Today is the day, the little prince said - I will take off my clothes, I will stand in my crib, I will take off the diaper and pee on my bed. The prince did just so and when his mother-so-dear - heard him proclaim "bia-pier" - Oh dear. She went running to stop it - to catch him before...but it was too late when she opened the door. The clothes were all off - the prince had learned a new skill! The diaper was off too - but not on the floor! The bed had caught most of the liquid cast-off - the dust-ruffle had collected one drop or two. Oh what, oh now what? is a mother to do? Well at least - she said thinking positively in her head - the carpet was spared it was just his little bed. The sheets and the mattress pads, the clothes and the boy can all be scrubbed, washed, disinfected and dried.
And that is the last of this saga to-date. It will not be continued, No! There will not be more. This little prince will learn you leave on your diaper, your pants and dry clothes. You do not remove them or blow things out your nose!
Happy Mothering!
10 comments:
I am in hysterics!! That was so funny and oh so true! Great job of writing...hope you will keep it in a journal for him!!
wow! you are a poet and we didn't know it!! way too funny!! thanks for sharing.
btw, your prayers must have worked last night because lily was done by the time i got her home and nursed her to sleep. normally it takes awhile to get her calmed down after a screaming marathon.
Funny and great writing! i'm soooo happy to read these things happen to everyone! haha what a day that will be when a princess reads this tale of her prince (:
Just wait until he starts "marking his territory." Not that I have experience with little boys who would do such things.....
Laura C.
Oh noooo! Poor Mommy- what an awful tale. I'm hoping I will never have that particular problem with the clothes and diaper removal, but I won't be surprised if David does it one of these days.
Looks like its about time to show him the tree out back. . . lol
Thanks for sharing your very funny, eloquently written story! I heard a similar story and the 2nd time the diaper came off, the mother used duck tape for the diaper. Oh the many uses of duck tape.
Yeah - if the dirty tale continues I think a duct tape belt might be in order....not touching the skin of course.
Kara just took her pajamas and night time diaper off 2 nights ago. She actually put the wet diaper in her nightstand drawer and then put her pants back on. (inside out)She went back to sleep. This is probably the fifth time she has done this. The fun has just begun.
LOL!!! Sorry you had to go through all of that but the way you tell the event is really hysterical! :0)The fun really is just beginning though...I remember one day finding Maddie without a diaper and little "treats" deposited around the room.
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